Child Arrangements: Where Your Children Live and Who They See

If you and the other parent can agree, you do not need a court or even a solicitor. You can decide between you where the children live, how they divide their time, holidays, schooling and how you will make bigger decisions. Many parents write this down in a parenting plan, which is not legally binding but helps avoid arguments later.

If you cannot agree directly, the next step is family mediation, not court. In fact, before you can apply to a court for a child arrangements order you normally have to attend a MIAM (a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) to show you have considered mediation.

• ✓Mediation is usually quicker, cheaper and far less stressful than court
• ✓A government voucher of up to £500 can cover the cost of family mediation about children, whatever you earn
• ✓You do not have to attend a MIAM if an exemption applies, the main one being domestic abuse, where you can apply to court directly

If agreement and mediation do not work, either parent can apply to the family court for a child arrangements order under the Children Act 1989. The fee to apply is £263. The order sets out:

• ✓Who the child lives with (this can be one parent or shared between both)
• ✓Who the child spends time with, and when, including overnights and holidays
• ✓Sometimes specific issues, such as schooling or medical decisions

If the court does decide, the child's welfare is the paramount consideration. The judge works through the welfare checklist in the Children Act 1989, which includes:

• ✓The child's own wishes and feelings, considered in light of their age and understanding
• ✓The child's physical, emotional and educational needs
• ✓The likely effect of any change in their circumstances
• ✓The child's age, sex, background and any relevant characteristics
• ✓Any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering
• ✓How capable each parent is of meeting the child's needs

The court also follows the ‘no order’ principle: it will only make an order if doing so is better for the child than making no order at all. The starting assumption is that a child benefits from a relationship with both parents, unless that would put the child at risk.

Parental responsibility is the legal right to make important decisions about a child (schooling, medical treatment, religion). Mothers have it automatically. A father has it if he is married to the mother or named on the birth certificate (for births registered in England and Wales from December 2003). Both parents usually keep parental responsibility after separation, even if the child mainly lives with one of them.

Many parents sort arrangements out without lawyers. Advice is worth getting if the other parent is stopping you seeing your child, if there are safety concerns, if a child is being taken abroad without consent, or if you are heading towards a court application and want it done properly.

Scotland deals with these issues under the Children (Scotland) Act 1995, using ‘residence’ and ‘contact’ orders under section 11, with the child's welfare as the paramount concern. Northern Ireland uses the Children (Northern Ireland) Order 1995, which closely mirrors the law in England and Wales. In all parts of the UK, money for the child is handled separately as child maintenance.