Family Mediation: Sorting Things Out Without Going to Court
Family mediation is a way to sort out arrangements for your children and money after you separate, with the help of a trained, neutral mediator, instead of fighting it out in court. It is usually quicker, much cheaper and far less stressful than a court battle, and the courts expect you to have considered it before applying. This guide explains how mediation works, the £500 government voucher that can pay for it, when it is not the right route, and how to make whatever you agree legally binding.
- ✓A neutral, trained mediator helps you and your ex reach your own agreement on children and finances, they don't take sides or decide for you.
- ✓You usually have to attend a MIAM (a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) before you can apply to court, unless an exemption such as domestic abuse applies.
- ✓The government's Family Mediation Voucher Scheme gives up to £500 towards mediation that involves children, whatever you earn.
- ✓Mediation is voluntary and the discussions are confidential; what you agree is not automatically binding until it is made into a consent order or court order.
- ✓Mediation is not suitable where there has been domestic abuse or where one person feels unsafe or pressured.
Get instant help right now
A Citizens Advice appointment can take weeks. Our free assistant is available 24/7 with no appointment, giving you clear, step-by-step answers about your exact situation, what to do next, and the deadlines that matter.
Need to take action? It can draft a ready-to-send formal letter for you (optional, from £4.99).
England, Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland.
What family mediation is
A family mediator is an accredited, impartial professional who helps you and the other parent or partner talk through the practical issues and reach decisions together. They do not give either of you legal advice, take sides, or impose a decision, the agreement is yours. Mediation can cover:
- ✓Arrangements for the children, where they live and how time is shared
- ✓Dividing money, property and pensions
- ✓Day-to-day issues like the family home, bills and belongings
- ✓How you will communicate and make decisions in future
The MIAM: the meeting you usually need first
Before you can apply to a family court about children or finances, you normally have to attend a MIAM, a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. It is a short, individual meeting with a mediator who explains your options and assesses whether mediation could work for your situation.
- ✓It is a requirement to show the court you have at least considered mediation
- ✓You attend on your own, the other person has their own separate meeting
- ✓If mediation is not suitable, the mediator signs a form that lets you apply to court
The £500 mediation voucher
The government runs a Family Mediation Voucher Scheme that contributes up to £500 towards the cost of mediation in cases that involve arrangements for children. It is not means-tested, you can use it whatever your income, and it is paid directly towards your mediator's fees.
What it costs
Costs vary by mediator and region. As a rough guide, expect to pay for the initial MIAM and then for each joint session, with the two of you usually paying for your own halves. Even allowing for several sessions, the total is typically a fraction of the cost of a contested court case, and the £500 voucher can cover much or all of it where children are involved.
If you are on a low income or certain benefits, you may also qualify for legal aid for family mediation, which can make the MIAM and mediation itself free.
Making your agreement legally binding
Mediation produces an agreement, but the agreement itself is not automatically legally binding. The mediator writes up what you decided (often a ‘memorandum of understanding’), and you then make it binding:
- ✓For finances, a solicitor turns the agreement into a consent order that the court approves and seals, see our financial settlement guide
- ✓For children, the agreement can be followed informally, or made into a child arrangements order if you want it to be enforceable
This is why many people use mediation to reach the agreement, then a solicitor for the short, focused job of making it watertight, far cheaper than using solicitors to fight the whole thing.
When mediation is not the answer
Mediation depends on both people being able to negotiate safely and on a reasonably level footing. It is not suitable where there has been domestic abuse, where one person is afraid of the other, or where there is a serious imbalance of power or risk to a child. In those situations you can go straight to court, and you should seek advice and support, see our family law section and, if anyone is in immediate danger, contact the police.
Get instant help right now
A Citizens Advice appointment can take weeks. Our free assistant is available 24/7 with no appointment, giving you clear, step-by-step answers about your exact situation, what to do next, and the deadlines that matter.
Need to take action? It can draft a ready-to-send formal letter for you (optional, from £4.99).
England, Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland.
Frequently asked questions
Is family mediation compulsory before going to court?
Mediation itself is voluntary, but you usually have to attend a MIAM (a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) before you can apply to a family court about children or finances. The MIAM is to show you have considered mediation. You are exempt if an exemption applies, most importantly domestic abuse, in which case you can apply to court directly.
Is family mediation free?
Not usually free outright, but the government's Family Mediation Voucher Scheme gives up to £500 towards mediation that involves arrangements for children, whatever your income, which can cover much or all of the cost. If you are on a low income or certain benefits you may also qualify for legal aid for family mediation, which can make it free. Even when you pay, it is typically far cheaper than going to court.
Is an agreement reached in mediation legally binding?
Not automatically. Mediation produces an agreement, often written up as a memorandum of understanding, but it only becomes legally binding when it is turned into a court order. For finances, a solicitor drafts a consent order that the court approves; for children, the agreement can be followed informally or made into a child arrangements order if you want it to be enforceable.
Can I use mediation if there has been domestic abuse?
Mediation is generally not suitable where there has been domestic abuse, where someone feels unsafe, or where there is a serious power imbalance. In those situations you are exempt from the MIAM requirement and can apply to court directly. If you or your children are in immediate danger, contact the police, and seek specialist support.
Related guides
Found this useful? Link to it
If you run a site, write an article, or help others with their rights, please link to this guide, it helps more people find free, reliable guidance.